he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
