just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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