She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
COCAINE IS GR8
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
