so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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