Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
do nipples grow back?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
