His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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