I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
