So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
