No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
