I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
