What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
