Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
