I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
