i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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