He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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