you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
