Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
