She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
