we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
