Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
