South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
