I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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