Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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