K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
