it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
