this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
