so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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