how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
