I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
