chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
