Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
