I wish I only lived at night.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
