at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
