U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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