yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
