dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
