Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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