How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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