I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
