I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
