u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
