I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
