TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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