Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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