I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
