YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
