somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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