Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
