Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
