guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
