I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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